I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
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