Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
