you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
