hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
