I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
