dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
