I wish my penis had an off switch
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
