Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
