gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
