I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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