She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
