Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
