Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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