they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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