i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
