I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
organizing the empties. That sober.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
