U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
