I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
