My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
