it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
