Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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