I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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