Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
