He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
