Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
