If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
