If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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