I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
