Dual....:-)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
