I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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