if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
