Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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