she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
