he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
