Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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