spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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