How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
