My room smells like vodka and shame
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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