I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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