I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
