Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
this is an emotional support booty call
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
