i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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