You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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