Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
