I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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