so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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