she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
