Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
