My cat gives me a boner
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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