If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
