Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
