The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
