I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
